the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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