Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
