you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Randomize
