but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
