have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
