look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
