guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
