we have officially lost it.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
you had me at cake vodka
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
