It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
