All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Randomize
