do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
