I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
