when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
