Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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