Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
