Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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