pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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