well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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