Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
