I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
