drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Be still, my beating vagina.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
