You're my little dorito
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
