i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
