If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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