Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
