Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
