Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
