He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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