It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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