so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
