i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
