You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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