Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
