Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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