I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
