That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
