Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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