idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
