dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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