I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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