I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
