my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
