did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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