So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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