i was born a porn star she said
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
