We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
