im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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