with your own penis?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
