Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
