Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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