well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Randomize
